On the Edge of Thirty

They say at age twenty-nine, the planet Saturn makes it way back around the orbit of the sun and returns to the exact place it was in the skies on the day we were born...a twenty-nine year trip, which supposedly results in the stirring up of all aspects of our lives, forcing us to live in a more authentic way than we ever have before. Old ways of living which no longer serve us are either forced out of our lives or asked to be gently removed - all resulting in one giant purge of emotional baggage and the letting go of people, relationships and situations which no longer serve us.

I am truly in the midst of my Saturn Return - twenty-nine years old - feeling pulled in so many different directions at once. Clueless and yet, clued-in for the first time in my life about who I might be and where I might be headed. In some ways, I feel like my life is in this strange tabula rossa period where I must re-write and rebuild everything around me, making script changes here and there, tearing down old sets, and perhaps even removing a few of the characters who no longer move the plot line that is me and my life forward.

This blog is about that strange time in all of our lives where, on the edge of thirty, we are brought face to face with ourselves (and our shadows).

Every part of my current life, both "good" and "bad" is being weeded through, plucked and picked at, up-rooted and, for the first time in a while, actually tended to. At twenty-nine, I am planting seeds, waiting to see what sprouts, and what doesn't. Ready to release that which no longer provides nutrients to me and eager to find the nourishment which will.

On the edge of the thirty, anything is possible and it is within this limitless abyss that I find both comfort as well as dread.

Endless possibilities mean just that - an expanding spectrum of life which provides no guarantees or safety nets, but which may lift us to new heights of perception and passion if we let them.

As Saturn returns to me, I find myself contemplating - and re-contemplating, my career, my friendships, my relationships, my role within my family and what exactly my twenties were all about.